I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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