Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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