Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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