32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
