The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
