Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
