I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
