Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
