wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
