True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize