I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
