I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
