He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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