There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
