yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
