i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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