Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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