where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
