Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
