Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize