Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
