he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
