It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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