My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
