the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
