I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
