She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
