You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize