You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
