I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
