Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
