apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
