i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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