okay pat passed out under dana's car
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize