Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize