I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
