I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
