He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
