if i can run in heels then i can drive
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
