it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
