Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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