I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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