I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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