So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
