We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
