He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
