I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
