I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize