dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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