I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
