barbara walters just said penis...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
