and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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