Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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