Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She told me I should be a condom model.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
