Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she smelled like a LAN party
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
