glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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