Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
