At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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