your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
