i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
