I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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