as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
