She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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