it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
