Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
