I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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