lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
