Whod you bang
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
