I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
