ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
