i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize