If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
