wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
