if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
